rothbourne: November 2011

Someone once told me "You don't drop off a girl; you walk her to where she is going". Some memories mean a lot to us. some memories are the only thing we have left and we desperately want those memories to be always prefect so we do are best to avoid anything that could tarnish the aspect of those memories that make them special.

To be really honest the last few months have been a disaster (I'm assuming its mostly my fault) and also I have no idea why I said what I said in the above paragraph. Sure I put on a smile and make annoying jokes that doesn't even make any sense, unfortunately as I discovered lately that is my coping mechanism, grate huh? My coping mechanism is making a fool out of myself in public.... but here's the best part I don't regret a single moment of it! its like all this time I've been living a lie and the best thing this depression did to me was bring out that little boy that I was desperately trying to ignore and hid away so I can fit in to a world of lost innocence and complexity. Ever made fun of old people? Who seem to be trying to make things difficult for themselves, well I did too! I used to think that being an adult means making tough choices and being ridiculously narrow minded, guess what I was right and further more I had become that very thing. Sucks doesn't it.

I don't want to bore you with the details, but since no one probably will read this I might as well for my own sanity. See putting it all out there makes it easier for me to understand what the heck is happening to me trust me to this day I have no idea what’s bothering me so much!

It all started when my parents decided to move out of are nice little home in and move in with our grandparents, as many of you probably know old people are not the most understanding and rational people to be with, and for those who know me, well you know that my old people are particularly hard for anyone to get along with. hmm coming to think of it, it’s really hard for anyone to get along with me too.. Now I know where I get my crappy attitude from. Anyway things when from bad to horrible within a matter of weeks. So I desired to take action about it and to lighten up the gloomy old pest infested house. I got a puppy! Yes that's right and she is adorable, well when she stops biting everything and don't have flees(Sadly that doesn't happen very offen).

See none of this had a major impact on my little life... UNTIL my career went hoping, literally! I have had 2 freaking jobs within one month and the latter one was a disaster to with I lost a pretty penny and most of my self esteem, at least what was left of it... I left a perfectly boring no work job (any lazy asses dream job), it’s not so much a dream because after the first two months its mostly daydreaming and sitting... mostly sitting! So for my own satisfaction and my parent I decided to take a class so I don't feel like I'm doing nothing, guess what I get offered a job there, me being me... delighted that I got this opportunity without thinking twice (or once for that matter) took it up only to find out that the place was a abusive boundless place, but thank God (yes I mean it) a friend’s father set me up with a reputed and well established establishment. So long story short(actually its quite short lasts only two weeks, but I'm still not sure what happened(let’s just leave it at divine intervention that save me from impending peril), so I'll cut to the chase)

So the day I heard that I had got the other job I quite that place and when home early.. Didn’t go that well!

Anyway that bring me to the next part of my disaster story, I have been home for two weeks! And all I do is watch HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER and other very addictive TV series. Which doesn't work well when you have your mother around complaining about your addiction.

then comes the devastating part, see I was happy despite all these events, I didn't have a care in the world because I had somebody who made me very happy, just talking to this person for five minutes made my day, and God forbid it was a person someone very dear to me. Until this person made something very clear and by God I was devastated, I pretended that I was cool with it, that I respect this person’s decision but I soon discovered that I wasn't OK with it that I was miserable. So I had finally hit rock bottom, I started blaming this person for the way I felt... as you know there is only so much a person can take and I guess I went over that limit.

Guess that's what happens when you stop focusing on what you’re meant to and unknowingly focusing on a different thing. That thing you’re suppose to focus hits you in the face to remind you what the heck your doing. Imagine your hanging on the edge of a cliff and there is someone up top reaching down trying to get you up and you like most idiots do is keep looking down and hoping the bottom will come closer to you. Yes that is what I was doing, waiting for the bottom to come towards me. I keep trying to grab that out stretched hand but I keep missing it, some time I get a good grip on it but suddenly lose focus and let go of it.

There is a lesson in all this for everyone, I hope you figure it out on your own and maybe tell me also because I sure as hell is have no idea what it is...

Someone once told me "Love is like a tape if you keep putting it on and taking it off it becomes useless in the end." They say love as much as you can, but I say save it! save it for when its worth it and for all you know someone is going to need that tape with all the stickiness in it has to paste it over their month and shut them up.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Tough Times

Friday, November 4, 2011

REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER